Still Seeking ...

seems like it's been a long time and i havent felt too much like writing but today is different... i've still been looking for that "perfect" job and coming to grips with what seems like an endless search for something to do at this time in my life...the summer off up til now has been great giving that i've worked the past 40 yrs at one job or another but there is still that anticipation and anxiety of what the future holds in store.... i'm looking forward to getting things settled in my life and getting back out in the working world soon so we all keep plugging away and look toward tomorrow...it's always good to have friends and family in your corner although i've noticed that your friends seems to drift away...must be that everyone these days are so busy that they forget to keep in touch...that's the one thing i've found to be the most sad of being out of the working loop, how much interaction with others you miss but have also found that those you thought were your friends or who you held in such high regard are those you would not want around you all the time as they tend to forget you once you're gone ...that has been the big wakeup call, that there are few and far between who you can count on when you're down and out.. hold dear your family and your few true friends...sometimes just a listening ear is a welcome feeling...... hope all is well with any out there who are in troubled relationships or struggling in these hard economic times...keep the faith til next time.....

OUT OF A JOB --

Well in addition to having gone thru in my relationship what i have, I managed to get myself in an accident, gone thru therapy and now of all things have entered the unemployed world, at least with my fulltime job --- still working a part time one so all this is really causing anxiety at times but will try and get on with things -- this world is crazy at times with all the uncertainty of the economy, the unemployment and all the strains of the world - a new President has taken office so maybe his optimism will extend to all of us and this year will be a good one , for everyone - I hope so, I need a rest from the hustle and bustle of it all - time to slow down - anyone out facing more than one crisis at a time? we need to form a club (lol) -- take care all !!!!

Just Another Day in Paradise

well you'd be happy to know that we're still together, sometimes don't know why but we are, the other woman moved on and out of state - so here we are, trying to be a "normal" couple again although at times not sure what that is -- been a rough few months with the economy the way it is and I still have doubts each day as to what my role in this relationship is anymore -- often think about moving on or looking for someone else but don't have the drive for it right now -- I do love the person I'm with but at times I think you lower your expectations and settle for what is in front of you instead of seeking out a new individual with who you might find the kind of happiness you sometimes only dream of -- my life is half way over now and I want to look back in a few years and say this is where I wanted to be -- not sure at times how to achieve peace within myself but maybe one day I will just wake up and say , hey "i'm happy" and not want to look any further - I sure hope so, wish me well if you read this.

still perplexed

wish someone would tell me why women and probably men stay long after they should leave a relationship -- i go thru each day not sure if staying is the right thing to do - feel i'm being lied to but the other half will never admit it and just wants thing to go back to "normal" - wow , how can that be -- if i told you what i found out the other day, you would all laugh -- found an e-mail from my guy to another new "friend" giving her a totally different cell phone no. -- starts the distrust process all over again, really thinking this time about making a move sooner or later, i want someone who is going to love me, not just tell me because it's the thing to do, but love me and make me feel like i'm part of their life, holding hands, cuddling, feeling secure - i'm under such self imposed stress now that i've been given a mild tranquilizer for a better word by my dx, have shoulder pain and muscle tightness yet i go to work each day -- boy, do i miss having that someone special in my life, is he really out there? feel so bad to think that i would leave someone after almost 14 years but i'm lost and it's not getting any better. anyone have any thoughts out there, and i know you would say go, i'm trying but want the time to be right, actually i want that one wonderful man that i always thought would show up to find me, i sure have been looking for him.

new day

well even if no one is interested in hearing an old story at least i'm able to write it down where i can put it into diary form -- still having doubts about my other half but moving on with each day and hoping that the trust comes back into the relationship -- have to keep on trying

another day in a troubled relationship

been thru a lot this past year with my relationship -- found out that my partner had been cheating on me with a co-worker -- when i found out i was devastated and decided to do some detective work on my own -- eventually found out what was going on, who the woman was -- even after confronting the two of them it continued for months, she was a married woman and didn't care that she was ruining someone else's life -- i've given my other half three tries now and not sure even this time if he will be true -- anyone out there had the same problem, if so, what have you done about it and can you ever trust them again?